I woke up remembering my not so sweet dream of me shitting myself.
Shit has been a frequent subject in my dream state, and I appreciate the metaphor.
It's a metaphor for .... well, my "shit" - my stuff - the psychological and emotional crap that I'm in a forever state of cleaning up.
So in my dream, I'm wearing a white gauzy fabric dress, and I shit myself. The dream was so vivid that I could feel the weight of the shit hanging in my loose-fitting underwear. Quite aware that I need to find a place to clean myself up, I'm also quite self-conscious as everyone around me can clearly see my predicament.
I succeed in finding a store, a professional business of some kind with cubicles, that allows me to use their bathroom, but when I get inside, it's not a bathroom but someone's private office. The first thing I do is try to cover up the windows, so no one can see the dirty work that I have to engage in.
When I begin to clean myself up, I quickly realize the impossibility of the task as there's just so much shit! It's everywhere! It's not only in and on my clothes, but now I've gotten it all over the space in which I retreated to get myself out of my mess. In the magical ways things progress in a dream, I decide that I'm cleaned up enough to go back into the world. At the same time, I'm aware that I will eventually be "found out" as I'm leaving behind a shit-stained room.
I try to gather up the dirty, gauzy fabric of what appeared to have once been a beautiful, pristine flowing dress in such a way that I'm able to hold the dirtiest parts in my hand so others won't notice as I make my way home. As I'm walking, I become concerned over how I will get my clothing into a washing machine without others noticing my soiled dress. While walking and obsessing, I bump into two friends, and my distress escalates as I realize it will be next to impossible to hide from them what I was already trying to hide from strangers on the street.
I do, in fact, not only manage to get past my friends but also to get my dress into a washing machine. This last act was also challenging as the front-loading washing machine was already running when I got there, and in order to get my dress in, I had to manage the water and suds that came out when I opened the door.
OK. That's it. The dream ends.
So what is my subconscious mind telling me through my dream?
I have a lot of shit to take care of.
I know that it's up to me to clean up my shit.
As much as I want to keep my shit to myself, I can't....
-there's so much of it that the act of cleaning it up is as messy as the shit itself
-given its inherent quality to stink and be unsightly, it draws attention
-I'm clothed in a thin, white fabric, which easily reveals what's underneath
I realize the value of asking others for help and am able to do so, even when my issue is pretty personal.
I'm resourceful AF (even able to open a front-loading washing machine mid-cycle).
Well, thank you dear subconscious for bringing to the forefront this really juicy material for me to coach myself on.
Metaphors, like visualizations, are really helpful in coaching as they recruit the resources of our right brain. They often reveal valuable insights that our logical, "pro vs con" left brain overlooks. The use of "shit" by my subconscious in reference to the stuff that comes out of me - my emotions, which permeate and waft, is illuminating and powerful.
In my conscious state, I would have to agree that I'm frequently aware and concerned that I have "too much" emotional stuff that needs "cleaning up", and that the more I attempt to address it, the more I feel I have to address. I also agree with my subconscious that I'm comfortable asking others for help; a saving grace for sure.
Though I have appreciated my resourcefulness throughout my life for taking care of what needs to get done within a physical, material context; especially as an ex-recruiter and a mother,
I usually don't acknowledge and appreciate my inner resources. The parts of me that have and will continue to serve me emotionally and spiritually - my tenacity, resiliency, creativity, vulnerability, and fortitude.
So what's my "takeaway", the nugget of learning that I have gleaned from my subconscious and conscious teaming up to "coach" myself?
I'm aware of the work I still have to do to clean up my emotional stuff, and others are too, because I don't try to hide it - even if I'm self-conscious about it. I'm out and about deliberately letting myself be seen. But I got this. I have within me the resources to get the job done. Eventually.
P.S. Clicking"Post" on this one was challenging, but I'm honoring my #authenticity big time these days; especially since I co-authored "The Beauty of Authenticity" being released May 22, 2019. #authenticybook