Updated: Apr 20
I told myself there was no reason I shouldn't be able to go. The girls were in their twenties and out of the house. The suburbs were closing in on me on so was my daily routine. So I told Paul that I wanted to go away - for a while - by myself.
I enrolled in a 4 week immersive Spanish language program in Costa Rica. I rationalized that I never got to study abroad like my daughters had. And so I left my husband of 26 years home with our two dogs and washing machine directions so I could go off and have an adventure.
Paul has always called be "Flower", because he thinks I'm pretty and delicate. My skin is quite literally thin and will bruise and cut with the slightest brush; at my wrist, my pulse is visible with the naked eye. But that wouldn't deter me from ATV'ing ad zip lining in small Costa Rican beach towns. These were some of my weekend excursions, when I wasn't in my classes.
We went to remote beaches and lazed on hammocks. It was on a Saturday, with literally nothing to do but admire my surroundings, that my eyes caught a yellow butterfly flitting about a yellow hibiscus.
The butterfly seemed to disappear as the yellow of it's graceful wings camouflaged easily against the yellow hibiscus. I had to focus to keep from losing sight of it. Its wings fluttered faintly like the pulse under my skin. Somewhere between focusing and spacing out, my life changed.
I heard myself suck in my breath as my brain caught up with the message my soul had already synthesized.
In that moment of crystal clear clarity I understood the lesson the Universe was showing me....."I'm NOT the flower, I'm the butterfly!!!"
My vision for the Flower and the Butterfly is interwoven with my personal vision. It is a platform allowing for my creative expression and through which I communicate all I have learned and am learning on my journey.
In nature, the flower and the butterfly exemplify the most ideal form of symbiosis, both benefiting from their relationship. The flower is rooted -it seeks to nurture and connect from a fixed place/home. It’s inviting scent welcomes the butterfly to take in its sweet nectar, thereby sustaining the butterfly.
The butterfly is free and untethered - it also seeks to nurture and connect traveling from flower to flower, pollinating and sustaining the future of the flowers. True to its nature, once the butterfly fulfills its purpose, it yearns to be light and free.
My epiphany that I am the butterfly and not the flower was exhilarating. In that blessed moment I understood why I hadn’t felt “right” for some time. I will always love my husband’s sweet term of endearment for me just as I will always cherish the years I was happily rooted in family life. But there are other parts of me; parts that crave freedom and movement and lightness. They can’t be contained.
The Flower and the Butterfly is not only Mome’s blog, it is a metaphor for:
-Who I am and how I connect with the world….
-My connection to spirit ….all that exists outside of myself but which I yearn to connect - to feel complete
The lessons that nature holds for us all.
With deep gratitude and compassion, I welcome you to join me, wherever you are on your journey.